As someone who prescribes to the speak-your-mind camp, I quickly bring up a subject that is ping ponging through my mind.
If I have an issue, I want to resolve it. Especially at home, with my husband.
I want to get back to the peace, the flow. Right away.
Let’s work this out. Let’s get back to the fun. As we were.
But sometimes how or when I bring it up, isn’t so pretty.
That’s why this flow chart from the book It’s Not You, It’s the Dishes, left me considering my jump-to-action-attitude.
So much so, that I had to share:
The chart calls to mind: Consider the costs/benefits of bringing it up, before bringing it up. Better out than in is still my mindset, yet there is nothing wrong with sleeping on it. Especially if you’ve had a couple drinks. Some arguments (most?) resolve better in the morning.
In fact, a 24-hour rule can often work. Let’s call it a grown-up time out. It gives you a chance to cool out and formulate your intentions … your stance, even. What is concerning you? What is causing you stress? What can you do about it? It helps me to write it out.
Time gives you the luxury of perspective, e.g. will this hot topic persist in one day, one week, one month, one year, five years … ?
Now, if I could only follow this chart when I’m feeling overheated or overwhelmed.
What’s your tactic for handling conflict with your significant other?
P.S. Have you read this New York Times article about the lost art of the unsent angry letter? I recently found one I wrote (but never sent) in college.
Ciao for now.